Cabalistic Nights

Can words ever describe what I'm feeling now? But I will try.

It feels like a heavy weight has been placed on my heart, dragging it down, tugging at the heartstrings. It's like a fist, clenching my heart, the grip tightening with every reaction from them. It feels like my energy has drained, completely and I'm left with nothing, nothing at all. Every single time they say something that reveals their true feelings, my heart wrenches, on the verge of breaking. Why is it so hard for me to deprive myself of feelings? Why am I dubbed with so much ability to feel?

It's hard knowing something's wrong but not the cause. It's scary knowing there's definitely something you can do, but not knowing exactly what it is that you can do, especially when you're in the dark. It kills to know that someone else could be helping them but they're choosing not to. Shouldn't they be there for them? Always? Should they be the first to say hello? Last to say goodbye? Always standing by their side, giving them support, giving them hope, giving them strength?

It's so hard to watch, every day. I worry about them constantly, to the point where it's distracting me from everything I do. I really do try to block it out but it's next to impossible. Doesn't anyone else see it? Or are they simply ignoring it? Or is it because they're such a good actor nobody can see? Or maybe people don't look closely enough to realise? When they're happy, you know they're lying to themselves. You can feel their determination to hide their true feelings inside. They try to be happy but on the inside, they're dying. It hurts even more to know that they choose to do that, the feel the extend of the pain later on. It's saddening to see that they do it simply because there's nobody there for them, not their friends, not even their best friend.

Sometimes the weight feels so heavy, so hard to carry but I know I have to stay strong for them, so their heart can heal. I can't let it push me down. Sometimes I feel like giving up but I know if I do, that's one less person they can count on and trust. No matter how high, I will conquer the mountain, no matter how far, I will take the steps, no matter how hard, I will stay strong.

I will stay strong. I will stay strong, I will stay strong. I will stay strong. I will stay strong.